(Entertainment Experiment – 2005)
Type: Album

Recorded by Doug
Layout by Mich

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Lyrics:

Portland After Midnight
HEY PORTLAND! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!
CAUSE IT’S PORTLAND! AND IT’S AFTER MIDNIGHT!

High Fives & Hand Grenades
SOMEONE CALL THE COPS
I THINK SOMEONE JUST STOLE TOMORROW
SOMEONE CALL 911
I AM ABOUT TO THROW IN THE TOWEL
COULD YOU FIND OUT
IF MY LOTTO NUMBERS HIT
BUT IF I WERE TO DIE TONIGHT
I WOULD DIE WITH NO REGRETS
GO, GO, GO, GO-GO HIGHFIVES AND
GO, GO, GO, GO-GO HIGHFIVES AND
SOMEONE CALL MY DOCTOR
I KNOW I HAVE A COOL/COUGH
SOMEONE CALL THE PHONE MAN
BECAUSE I GOT MY LINE TURNED OFF
I FEEL LIKE A COWBOY FRANKENTIEN
WITH ALL LOSES AND ZERO WINS
YOU HAVE BEEN RUNNING THROUGH
MY MIND ON YOUR BROKEN SHINS
GO, GO, GO, GO-GO HIGHFIVES AND
GO, GO, GO, GO-GO HIGHFIVES AND

Portland is for Lovers
THE PROBLEM WITH FOREVER
IS THAT IT TAKES TOO LONG
THE TRUTH ABOUT TOMORROW
IS THAT I’M GOING TO GET IT ALL WRONG
WHO KNEW THAT THIS WOULD
TAKE SO LONG
1 MILLION HORRIBLE LYRICS CAN
WRITE THE PERFECT SONG
I’VE BEEN MEANING TO TELL YOU
I’VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY
I AM BLOOD AND HONEY
WE ARE WE ARE COVERED IN BEES
A PROMISE TO YOU IS A PROMISE I’LL KEEP
JUST DON’T COME KNOCKING FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS
IT’S FINE WITH ME
IF YOU WANNA MOCK ME
I KNOW THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE
PUT SALT IN THERE COFFEE

St. Judas
CRUCIFIED BY HOPES AND DREAMS
KEPT AWAKE BY MUFFLED SCREAMS
I FOUND A SKELETON KEY DOWN THE OLD PLANK ROAD
STILL HOLDING BACK CROCADILE TEARS
I TURNED MY BACK FOR SO MANY YEARS
I LOOKED INTO YOUR EYES
AND YOUR EPITAPH READ
I FORGIVE YOU SAINT JUDAS
I KNOW YOU’LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN (ST. JUDAS)
BROKEN HEARTS AND A SINKING FEELING
I FELL ASLEEP IN A BURNING BUILDING
I WROTE MY PROMISES DOWN IN THE BACK OF A BURNING DIARY
I COULD BARELY OPEN MY EYES
WITH ALL THESE TEARS
I LOOKED AT YOU
AND YOUR EPITAPH READ
I FORGIVE YOU SAINT JUDAS
I KNOW YOU’LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN (ST. JUDAS)
CRUCIFIED BY HOPES AND DREAMS
KEPT AWAKE BY MUFFLED SCREAMS
I HID THAT SKELETON KEY IN THE BACK OF A BURNING DIARY
I WOULD HAVE DONE A LITTLE BETTER
IF I HAD STARTED A LITTLE SOONER
I LOOKED AT YOU AND YOUR EPITAPH READ
I FORGIVE YOU JUDAS
I KNOW YOU’LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN (ST. JUDAS)

Skull and Crossroads
JULY 7TH 1932
BORN SICK A BABE
THE CHILD WAS THE FLU SPENT HIS LIFE TRYING TO GET WELL SICK FOR LIFE
HIS LIFE IS HELL HIS EYES ARE BAD AND HIS LIPS BLISTER
HIS EARS ALWAYS RINGING AND HIS KNEES BROKE
HIS HEART IS BROKEN AND HIS BACKS GETTING WORSE
HE’S RIDING IN AND AMBULANCE WISHING IT WERE A HEARSE
TATTOOS REMIND ME OF WHAT I’VE LOST
SCARS SHOW ME JUST AT WHAT COST
HIS EYES ARE BAD AND HIS LIPS BLISTER
HIS EARS ALWAYS RINGING AND HIS KNEES BROKE
HIS HEART IS BROKEN AND HIS BACKS GETTING WORSE
HE’S RIDING IN AND AMBULANCE WISHING IT WERE A HEARSE
HE NEVER COMPLAINED
HE NEVER WOULD BITCH
PRAYED EVERYDAY BUT MADEONLY ONE WISH
IF ONLY FOR ONE MOMENT HIS HEAD WOULD NOT ACHE
TO BREATH OH SO DEEP WITH NO MEDICINE TO TAKE
TATTOOS REMIND ME OF WHAT I’VE LOST
SCARS SHOW ME JUST AT WHAT COST
HE NEVER COMPLAINED
HE NEVER WOULD BITCH
PRAYED EVERYDAY BUT MADE ONLY ONE WISH
IF ONLY FOR ONE MOMENT HIS HEAD WOULD NOT ACHE
TO BREATH OH SO DEEP WITH NO MEDICINE TO TAKE
ON JULY 7TH 2004
OUR ANTI-HERO HURTS NO MORE NO MORE
NO ACHES NO PAINS NO SHORTNESS OF BREATH
I’VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO HEAR OF ONES DEATH

Swampman
One night I was out walking
Just on the outside of town
I met a man made of pure hatred
And he wore snakes as his crown
I am swamp man
I am green
I will take your women
And rape your dreams
You could tell he was not of the living
And he sure as hell wasn’t dead
Before he struck me down with his mighty sword
These are the words that he said
I am swamp man
I am green
I will take your women
And rape your dreams
But I am not evil
I was made this way
I have tasted the blood
Prepare for doomsday!!!

Boomboxes to Babylon
She wanted to ask my a simple question
To state my purpose and my intentions
A proof of wages and a nice car
I wish on her ass like a shooting star
Boomboxes to Babylon
Your boomboxes to Babylon
She wanted me to give her some idea
She had some worries and she had some fears
She broke my heart in two and two into four
Love is a battlefield and I got the tour yea
Boomboxes to Babylon
Your boomboxes to Babylon
My guitar holocaust love letter to you
is the reason nobody knew
I’m in love with you and stories about you
your addicted to love and expensive shoes
Boomboxes to Babylon
Your boomboxes to Babylon
My ATM number is xoxo
I’m reading chicken soup for the sucker’s soul
I fell in love and now I can’t stop falling
I nailed my hand to the phone so I can’t stop calling
Boomboxes to Babylon
Your boomboxes to Babylon

Zombees
IT IS HARD TO IMAGINE A WORLD FULL OF LIGHT
WHERE YOU COULD SLEEP THROUGH AN ENTIRE NIGHT
GOD GOVERNMENT AND MAN ALL TOOK TURNS AND FAILED
THEIR MOANS ARE MADDENING LIKE ROTTING BEACHED WHALES
JESUS, MARY, JOESPH, HATE!
I VOMIT IN THE COLLECTION PLATE
JESUS, MARY, HEART ATTACK!
IF I COULD I WOULDN’T TAKE YOU BACK
ZOMBIES
IF YOU’RE NOT SCARED YOU’RE NOT PREPARED FOR ZOMBIES
NO MONEY NO HELP NO SIN NO LIES
PRAYING FOR DEATH WHILE RUNNING FOR OUR LIVES
NIGHT OF THE DAWN OF THE DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH
I NEED A SHOWER BUT WILL SETTLE FOR A BLOODBATH

Pieces
Blood red rose and a glass of wine
Liquid bleach and strychnine
Holy Ghost and Vaseline
Migraine headaches and gasoline
New Years Eve and thru the night
Do you know what keeps me warm at night
Clawing at you
Clawing at me
Cut both of my wrists but they just won’t bleed
Pieces of you
I can’t remember how this came to be
Since being baptized by fire
You have set me free
Wedding night and our first date
Little red and fugate
Family bible and a lock of hair
The kitchen fire and that pregnancy scare
Consummation and our first night
Do you know what keeps me warm at night
Clawing at you
Clawing at me
Cut both of my wrists but they just won’t bleed
Pieces of you
I can’t remember how this came to be
Since being baptized by fire
You have set me free

Drop in the Bucket
I find it hard to see thru all the smoke and fire
Justice slowed by rust
I find it hard to scream now that the air is black
I don’t know who I can trust
Drop in the bucket
It makes me sick to my stomach to think of what we have done
Or what we haven’t done
To be completely honest
The war can still be won
Drop in the bucket
I know it’s a nightmare
You spread yourself so thin
You wanna fix everything
But you don’t know where to begin
I know its getting harder
If one vote is a drop in the bucket
Here comes a tidal wave
Drop in the bucket
This greed fueled fire
Green flames are burning brighter
The longer that we wait
Putting it out only get harder
I know its getting harder
If one vote is a drop in the bucket
Here comes a tidal wave
Drop in the bucket

Leather Gypsy
I DON’T LIKE TO SHOVEL SNOW!
DON’T LIKE TO SHOVEL SNOW

Blood Bath and Beyond
I can read the thoughts your thinking
Your blood I will soon be drinking
In the moon drenched shadows we will dance
To be fair you never had a chance
Before your lipstick dries to the glass
FEEL THE CHANGE! YOU’RE UNDEAD!
I will free you of that mortal prison
You don’t know what you been missing
Spilling blood is completely normal
Just bite your lip until it turns purple
Before your lipstick dries to the glass
FEEL YOUR HEART STOP! YOU’RE UNDEAD!
To taste a cop is to taste power
And gothic boys are awful sour
If I my suggest a treat, a feast
I enjoy the taste of catholic priest
Before your lipstick dries to the glass
FEEL THE DARKNESS! YOU’RE UNDEAD!

Revolutionary Theories on the Geometry of Heartbreak
THE LAST TIME I CALLED YOUR NAME THE PORCH LIGHT WAS ON
THE LAST TIME I CALLED YOUR NAME THE SKY WAS FALLING AWAY
MY LIPS BETRAY ME WHEN I TRY TO CALL YOUR NAME
MY FINGERS SNAP WHEN I TRY TO WRITE YOUR NAME
SERVANT GIRL MAKES LACE FROM HAIR
SHE STEALS FROM HER OWN HEAD
SERVANT GIRL MAKES LACE FROM HAIR
SHE RIPPS FROM HER OWN HEAD
DOESN’T MATTER IF SHE’S GOING BLIND
(SHE’S GOTTA LOOK GOOD)
DOESN’T MATTER IF HER FINGERS ARE TWISTED
(SHE’S GOTTA LOOK GOOD)
DOESN’T MATTER IF HER BACK IS BROKEN
(SHE’S GOTTA LOOK GOOD)
DOESN’T MATTER IF SHE IS STRAVING TO DEATH
(SHE’S GOTTA LOOK GOOD)
LAST TIME I CALLED YOUR NAME THE PORCH LIGHT WAS OUT
LAST TIME I CALLED YOUR NAME YOU JUST WOULDN’T COME OUT
I TRIED TO CALL YOUR NUMBER BUT MY FINGERS BROKE
I TRIED TO LEAVE A MESSAGE BUT I CHOKED
I TRIED TO CARVE YOUR GRAVE STONE OUT OF SOAPSTONE
BUT IT RAINED
I TRIED TO MAKE A FLOWER ARRAINGMENT BUT THE POLLEN CAME
I TRIED TO PLANT A GARDEN
THAT WOULD SPELL OUT YOUR NAME IN ROSES
NO WAY I CAN HOLD IT THE FIRST TIME IN 17 YEARS
NOW WE HAVE LOCUST

Spiderlady
AFTER THE RAIN AND BEFORE THE FIRE
THERE WILL BE A BARBED-WIRE RAINBOW
EVERY NIGHT IT HAPPENSS
WHEN NO ONE IS AROUND
IT STARTS WITH A RAP TAP TAPPING SOUND
THE SMELL OF PERFUME AND LARVA
GIVES ME A SINKING FEELING
‘LIKE 18 HIGH HEEL SHOES DANCING ON MY CEILING
DON’T THINK I’M GONNA SLEEP TONIGHT
‘CAUSE THERE IS SOMETHING HANGING FROM MY LIGHT
SPIDERLADY
(CRAWLING IN MY BED)
SPIDERLADY
(I’M CAUGHT IN YOUR WEB)
MANDABLE OF CRINSON
FILAMENT OF WHITE
SPINNING ‘ROUND MY HEAD WRAPPING IT TIGHT
PINNED DOWN BY DESIRE
AND HER HAIRY THIGHS
I SEE MY REFLECTION IN EACH OF HER 40 EYES
DON’T THINK I’M GONNA SLEEP TONIGHT
‘CAUSE I JUST GOT A TERRIBLE BITE
SPIDERLADY
(CRAWLING IN MY BED)
SPIDERLADY
(I’M CAUGHT IN YOUR WEB)
AND THEN THE WORST POSSIBLE THING HAPPENED
SHE FOUND DOCTOR MENGALA’S UNDERGROUND LAB
AND SHE MATED WITH HIS LAST KNOWN EXPIRIMENT
CYBORNETIC APES (HALF ROBOT, HALF MACHINE) TO CREATE HALF SPIDER HALF CYBORNETIC APES
THEY DESTROYED ASIA, SOUTHERN ASIA, INDIA, RUSSIA, THE MIDDLE EAST, WESTERN EUROPE, EASTERN EUROPE,,AND AS HER UNHOLY SPAWN BEGAN TO CLOSE IN ON OUR GREAT LAND WE FOUND THE ONLY THING THAT COULD DESTROY THEM THE GOLDEN GUITAR AND THAN THERE WAS ONE
DON’T THINK I’M GONNA SLEEP TONIGHT
‘CAUSE I JUST GOT A TERRIBLE BITE
SPIDERLADY
(CRAWLING IN MY BED)
SPIDERLADY
(I’M CAUGHT IN YOUR WEB)